My homegirl Amaya and I went out to dinner this weekend to catch up. As we were chatting at the bar there had been a young woman sitting next to us falling asleep . She was with a guy whom we assumed was her date. Maybe about an hour later I noticed tears running down her face and I leaned over and asked her if she is okay, and if she needed anything. Her nod was so faint I couldn't tell if it was a “yes” or a “no” so I presumed she wanted her space. But Amaya and I began looking around for the guy she was with. All I could think of was “WHO do we gotta address on her behalf”, a woman that we didn't even know.
Anyway, seconds later she asks, ”What do you do when you're trying to get over someone?...he was my life”
Ohhh, we've all been there haven't we?...
I responded, “you go and be the baddest chick ever and LIVE!”...
and then Amaya said “You gotta let him go. I know, it's hard to do...”
I added, “but time will work it out.”
I remember one of the times my heart was broken. I was in college and my first love and I broke up after a 2 year, 4 month long-distance relationship. My world was crushed. *I had big plans for our future. I just knew we would be together forever, get married, have a whole happily ever after, high school/college sweetheart story. And when we broke up, although we remained good friends, those possibilities I had dreamt up faded over time.
So when this young woman said, “He was my life“, I wanted to pour so much more wisdom over her. I've become kind of an expert in dealing with heartbreak throughout the years. And I've had a lot of time to analyze my previous experiences in romance and co-analyze with my closest sister friends... What I’ve observed, for myself and for others is that, in our earliest relationships, it's easy to make the other person, or the idea of this person so much more important than ourselves because we are still discovering who we are. We end up unintentionally giving away pieces of ourselves in the name of "love". Then when break-ups happen we don't know who we are, how to be or what to do with ourselves.
Admittedly, after my first love and I broke up, out of spite I began setting myself up to be the Dopest EVER. I thought,” if he everrrr tried to come back it won't be that easy cuz i'm about to step my whole game up!!!”. I ended up becoming the woman I Never could've been if him & I never parted ways. And if it weren't for my good siSTARs, and the kindness of strangers to help me get thru my heartbreaks there's no telling where I would be!
Waiting for time to heal your heartbreak is one hell of a process. It always lasts longer than you want it to, but no one is immune to it. Don't stop living tho...
You’ve got to live through it!
P.S. The guy the woman was with was her brother. Big Shout out to the dope men in our lives who help pick us up too!