This week, I was reminded of how much I deprive myself of things I enjoy for the sake of "being responsible" and achieving a goal.
After months of looking for a pair of Converse I really liked (yep MONTHS) I finally found the pair that had me revisiting the website ev-e-ry-day. okay, confession- multiple times and day. Now, I knew I really wanted these shoes but nothing I told myself made me get off the fence...
"Am I going to get them?...but I'm trying to save more money"
"Get them. You love them....But..."
"If they were sold out would you regret not getting them?..Yes...But...I need fall clothes..."
I know I'm not the only one who feels like their paycheck is gone before the ink dries on that virtual check. Even though I am working hard and consistently towards several goals in major ways, and I am an advocate of "treat yo'self" days, I still feel like treating myself on something other than a cupcake or meal from a favorite restaurant will set me back or negate my financial goals which...would possibly negatively effect my music & acting goals that require my monetary investment.
"I'm not where I want to be" so, I don't deserve to put me first (self care, health, enjoyment, my needs & wants, etc.). What a flawed and hurtful way of thinking!
So, I finally bought the shoes. Of course I told myself that could always return them if I still doubted the purchase. They came in the mail a day and a half later- sooner than I expected! And I LOVE THEM. I even did a whole shoe photoshoot with them. Lol. I danced about how much I love these shoes, which is what prompted me to share this story with you.
Having goals and discipline is okay but depriving myself of things for the sake of achieving a goal doesn't make me happy, doesn't fulfill my promise to myself to enjoy life to the fullest, and punishing myself for not being where I want to be is definitely not okay. I'm all for doing what you gotta do to get to where you wanna be but what's the point of achieving something if I cant also enjoy the process? cuz ultimately there will be another goal that follows.
As with everything in life, I know it takes balance but I leave you with this message-
Buy the shoes. Go on the travel. Do the dope things you deprive yourself of and make yourself feel guilty for desiring.
I never want to look back thinking I missed enjoying wonderful things & experiences when it was very much in my control to do and have. Life is wayyy too short. I want to see you thrive in enjoying life to the fullest too!
Love,
- Lynn